I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
