If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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