Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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