I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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