I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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