just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize