Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
