She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it glows. i had to have it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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