i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you win again, gameday.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
