I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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