Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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