New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this will be a night to untag.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
