Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
