I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
