We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
