i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
