My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my shit smells like andre
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
