Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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