tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
