hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
