this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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