Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
