She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
