i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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