Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
