So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
false alarm, still single
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