covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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