my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
