So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
