some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
