We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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