we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
