Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
