The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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