im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
