found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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