i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
