I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
