I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
worst night to have a conscience
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
