Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
