i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
