Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
