Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
