My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
