I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
