i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
