last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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