I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
