singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
