You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
