I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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