I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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