So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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