Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
