Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
