Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
