I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
