Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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