God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize