Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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