you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
