Me. At least after what I've been through.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
