I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone came in the potted fern
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
