I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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