I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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