if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
